Oh no. My computer went crazy. =
Anyway… many things happened to me during this week. Since today is Sunday I’ll sum up a bit on my whole week.
I dunno if I’m making the right choice. I’m scared that I wasn’t. But I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. Which I always needed it when it comes to many things. I admit that I wasn’t very good at handling this situations, but what can I say? If this time round, it doesn’t work again… then I guess I’ll just have to admit that I sux at being a gf. Well… I don’t have this feeling. I dunno. Maybe I would develop this feeling soon, who knows? But… it’s just so hard for me to concentrate. I hope he’s not reading this… cuz he’ll feel so hurt. If he is… sorry. Just have to clarify my feelings a bit. I’ll just have to see how it goes. But this chance given, is for me as well. To start afresh. To gain trust in people again.
That woman is making me feel very very annoyed now. That 2 women. I’m serious… I’m so annoyed with her existance nowadays. Just… my gosh… don’t speak. Maybe it’s gonna be my turn not to speak anymore. Cuz with her around, spoiled the whole atmosphere. And… seriously, I’m thinking maybe I should move away from her for all reasons. Maybe move school. But all my friends in Thornlie… I really dunno if I can make this move. And that other woman. *shakes heads* I just have to bear with all this stupid questions… =
Okok… enough of my “bitching” session. I’m so sick of this computer. Need to restore it again. But I don’t have the disk. One more week, HOLIDAYS~ Can’t wait. Sleeping in… *drools*. Hasn’t had a good sleep for a period of time now. I didn’t eat much all day too. But who cares now? Hmmm… not hungry… but I’m not dieting. Don’t take it the wrong way. Lol. Just no mood, no appetite. Feel very bored. Read the little newsletter… and it listed all the symptoms of depression. I have more than half of the symptoms. Lols. Didn’t have good sleep, mood swings, no mood or appetite.
Yer. Stop here for now. Gonna be away for a while. I’ll update when I get bk to my computer.
Arrhh…. tiring. Haha… Woke up early today. Awoken by the doorbell. Me in PJ’s. My gosh, didn’t want to open the door. Haha, but no choice, no one at home! Only my sisters, slping. Then I opened the door. He came in… then I went to get changed and brush my teeth and stuff. He only sat there waiting. Lol. Then started discussing the games thingy and stuff for the mooncake festival. We are organising at the gathering. Yups. You probably won’t understand what I’m talking about. Cuz I dunno either. But oh well. Can’t be bothered explaining.
Anyway… I’m still sick. Kept sneezing. And I ate too much today. A bit filled up. Lolx. And yups.
Hehe… can’t be bothered writing anymore. I need to think of what to write for tomorrow’s English essay.
Cya~~
Oh my gosh… that song is still playing in my head. Stop it! Stop it! Had a nightmare last night, after listening to that song. It wasn’t on purpose. But I just heard it. errie. Apparentally, someone commited suicide after listening to that song.
You wanna know my feelings after listening to this song? Well, it wasn’t like on purpose or something. But perhaps I’m being a bit too paranoid or supersitious. This whole song is not only errie. But… yup, quite persuasive. Not that I’m persuaded but… it’s like a very strong sense. Like this song makes me feel exposed to all kinds of negative things. Makes me shiver and scared. And lonely. I dunno about you, but of cuz I’m not suggesting you to go and listen to it, but it is a very… weird and errie song that really goes deep inside me.
I really refused to listen or think of that song anymore. But once that song played… I couldn’t stop forgetting it. And what’s much more worse is… suddenly… everything feels cold and cruel. I don’t want to be covered by such ugliness of the world. All dark and dull, but something is just painted over the brightness. And it’s so hard to see again… I hope I’ll feel better. But I can tell everyone that I have no intentations or whatsoever in stupid things. Cuz I know it’s stupid.
Ok, I’ll stop discussing about this song anymore. Today, I went to Garden City. Shopped. And bought 3 new tops. Didn’t do much there… cuz not enough money. Haha… When I got home, I cleaned my room and wash clothes… and gave Leo a shower. After that, our family ate steamboat for dinner. Then I went to have a shower.
For now, I’m feeling a bit tired. Cuz I was writing up some notes for my English essay. Holidays coming soon!! In 2 weeks’ time!!!! Yays. Can’t wait. Must be going to the Royal Show, if I find someone. Thinking if I should go with Atiah, Sally and Azwan or not. But I dunno Azwan you see. And I don’t really want to feel to be the only one… that’s left out or something. Doubt that I would be able to stay there until late at night cuz I want to watch the fireworks… Last year… was going to go with this guy. But because of some reason didn’t go. This year… I guess it would have to be the same. Haha… no one to take care of me still.
Nvm… I’ll stop here for today. No one online for me to talk to, so I’m going off now.
mood mood swings + tired + sick
song missy eillot * gossip
Fine, fine… I’m tired okay. No time to argue. My bad alright… I dunno what’s wrong with me… but if anyone hates me, say so.
I’m tired. Not well today. I didn’t what I was doing half the time. Maybe because I took that medicine this morning that made me drowsy in school. I only realised that when I read the content of the medicine. And my sickness must be from yesterday’s rain.
Arhh!!!! Feel like screaming. I’m feeling very tired. All I wanna do is sleep when I got home. What can I do? It’s my fault I’m tired! Don’t always think I’m in the good mood. I have my bad days too. Like today. Don’t rely too much on me to cheer everyone up…
Okok…. I went mad already okay. Don’t bother talking to me. I’ll take that freaking medicine and make myself sleep so I dun have to bother u anymore. My gosh… don’t get all pissed off at me…
Fine, I’ll stop here.
=\
mood chocolate-ish + a bit tired
playing ateens * can’t help falling in love
.x.x.
I can’t find an opening statement. A little tired today. Don’t feel like talking about my day cause it’s boring + tiring. Well, I dunno why I’m tired… but I just am. Kept having a feeling that someone’s watching me from the back. It’s so scary, somehow. But… somehow I just didn’t really bother to look back.
It’s a rainy day today. Walked home in the rain with Atiah. Actually, to Forest Lakes cuz she wanted to buy some junk food. She bought me chocolate! Haha… but my throat isn’t feeling very well. I have a feeling that I’m going to lose my voice again. Please don’t. It would help if I drink more water. xD
Anyway… I’m ultra tired today. Just is. Dunno why. I don’t think I would be able to get out of bed tomorrow morning. Probably have to have a good sleep tonight! Well, I would if I could stop thinking too much about some things… it’s sooo annoying how I think too much before bedtime. Probably, because no one there for me. Haha!! Do I need one anyway? Haha… I dunno. I have decided to leave everything fate I guess. I’m so tired of always searching for happiness myself. Because there’s not always things that are meant to be perfect. Just say everything from the past.
The past… has passed. Just have to treat it as memories. And… start afresh. Right? Leave the past behind. So I’ve decided that tonight, before bedtime, I am going to tidy up my room. Clear away everything. I could put down the ring and stop wearing it. What else can’t I put down? It’s been half a year… maybe I really should put the pictures away and stay away from it until one day when I’m confident in looking at them again without missing him so much. I shall do that. Leave the past behind. Like Emma said, if it didn’t work the first time, why would it work the second time? Some things just couldn’t be given a second chance. Some things… like a relationship.
For now… I’ll start afresh. Searching for my happiness once again. Yups.
Happiness, happiness. Where are you? Haha… I’ll find you no matter what!