112117213191484545
*sighs* So cold… and so lonely… =(( Everything is so… different. My parents working, my sisters playing… like everyone had their own things to do. Like so left out. What can I do…?
Today, I woke up by phone call again. At 10am. Drew called. Just to say good morning. ^__^ But I was slping.. so he said he shall not disturb me. But I couldn’t go back to slp anymore. Cuz… I’m just not tired anymore. But somehow, feel like hiding myself in the room. Bored. Nothing to do. Well, I moved half of my bed back to my room. And clean up my room a bit.
Yuri called and ask me to slp over her house. But I didn’t feel like it. Cuz she’s going to Darkzone or city with Louise. Actually, I don’t really feel like it cuz I’m juz not in the mood. I said I’ll try though. And.. have to wrap up Abi’s present. So, she asked if I had wrapping paper. I said only the ones with big crappy balloons on it. Yer… and thinking of making a birthday card. Dunno yet.
Well, after that… went back to my room and clean up. I found the picture… that *he* sent to me for valentines in my bag by accident while cleaning up my room. And… somehow, juz sat ther thinking… of *him*. Thinking of the sweet memories. Then I stick it somewhere in my room. Put it near Bubbles. Poor bubbles… I really wanna hug Bubbles sometimes, but I feel like I can’t. Cuz I don’t deserve to. I dunno why I feel this way.
For the rest of the day, I just cleaned up the house and everything… yer. That’s all. Never do homework. Hope I’ll do it on Thurs. Tomorrow going back to school. Can’t be bothered! Cuz.. there’s only Stephen and Jasmine there…
Listening to (Delta Goodrem - Lost without you) Dunno why turned to this song… issit mocking me? I turned on shuffle, cuz I dunno what song to listen to. Then juz came on this song. *sighs* Everything’s mocking me… laughing at me, for being so silly. Why do I still miss *him*, when I know there’s no chance already. But I still love *him* like before. Nothing has changed. This relationship… is… so cruel. And I blame myself. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to Singapore, if not I wouldn’t have brought us so much pain that time. For now, I dunno… cuz it’s been a long time. Probably about half a year that I haven’t saw him. But the feelings are still there. I dunno if I’ll see him again…. my grades are not improving… and… everything. There seems to be nothing I can do about it. Maybe it’s all faith. Would God be kind enough? And have mercy on me? I guess if I go back end of this year, it would just bring more pain for me… so I dun really want to. I wonder if he still remember his promise to me before… I still wonders if it would come true…
wo hai shi heng xiang ni… xiang ni de wei xiao… xiang ni de wei dao. Hen jiu mei you wen dao ni de wei dao le… wo bu xiang wang ji…