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R a i n y days please go away… rainy days please go away…
Yer. Raining. I don’t like rainy days. Although you can play in the rain. It’s f u n. But. Just not today I guess. I dunno what I really w a n t in my life now. Every minute is bored. Unexpected things happens. Feeling so… d e a d ? ! Hmmm…
Yesterday, was quite fun. But brought up some memories in me. Good memories. But. Good memories that are sad to me now.
I was out with Trish and Fuzzy. But I feel like a bit of a l o n e r. Cuz… yer. I was the odd one out? 2 is good, but 3 is a c r o w d. It’s true. But Fuzzy is funny. First time I actually saw him, but it is funny. And lame. But nice to Trish. Good thing. Trish is trying not to leave me out. But I dun want to be in… *if you know what I mean*. But we went shopping. I didn’t end up buying much. I bought my sister’s birthday present and some chocolate. Lol. Yups.
But feeling a bit l o n e l y. Wishing for someone to be by my side and accompany me… when no one is there… But I dun really want anyone right now in my life. Cuz, I want to c o n c e n t r a t e on my studies.
See, that’s the thing I’m b o t h e r i n g about. I’m so confused. Last night, I was even thinking. Have I really got over the fact that we are not together anymore? I started to miss him again. But I kept stopping myself. Cuz I dun want to t h i n k and t h i n k about things that wouldnt happen. But why… I kept believing? I put everything back. Keeping away all the memories. Trying so hard… but I dunno if I am really wiping it all off my mind or not.
Then I started to think about my s t u d i e s. I wonder… if I can make it to u n i v e r s i t y. I once had a bet with Jeremy. Seeing who will get to uni first. But now… I just w o n d e r. Can I make it? I dun actually feel like going university anymore. To me, university is a whole lot of stressful homework. And, I’m not hardworking. I’m lazy.
So y e r. Thinking so much. But I told my Mommy that if I don’t make it into uni, I want to open up my own business. When I was a few years younger. I wanted to open up a b r i d a l dress shop. Yer, doing designing and things like that. I’ve always been interested in art and stuff. Even though, I was more interested in music. I think I actually stuffed up my l i f e without thinking how to plan and think what I want to be. Because I wasted so much of my life wanting to learn music, but I had never really done it.
When I was young, I was exposed to music, and things like that. Started singing when I was young, now I still love singing. But can’t make it. I was going to have a keyboard when I was young, but someone bought it, so my Dad didn’t buy it for us.*sobx* Now, my parents are considering buying it again, for my sister. Cuz she’s learning playing the keyboard now. And she’s actually pretty t a l e n t e d. I saw her play. I told her not to waste her life like I did. And she has decided to take up music…
Yer… so disappointed. Wished I could have taken it up. I wished Science and Maths wasn’t the one I had to take. Wished no one could t h i n k I can make it to uni. Too much stress…
Wished there was someone… who can just understand me… and won’t leave me a l o n e.