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What is wrong with me seriously. I’ve been so forgetful now and not being able to concentrate at things… this sux. Making me confused, and making me do the wrong thing, making me make wrong decisions and making me get scolded.
Well, firstly when I went for tution… I forgot to bring my pencilcase. And so how can I write anything? And I was in a rush… going to be late. My parents then had a fight over it. So… it was my fault. My forgetfulness made this happen. Secondly, when I went for dancing yesterday, I brought my homework along to teach Yuri. But I forgot to bring it home. Then my Mom scolded me.. saying that she’s very tired and stuff and has no time for all my crap. So I’m like… “sorry.?!” Didn’t mean to ok. Thirdly, most importantly, and most pathetic one. I forgot that my Physics report is due by end of next week. So I was fighting over the computer with my sister who wanted to do her Japanese homework. I asked her what she was searching for and then I later found out that she won’t be able to find the things she wanted on the internet. But she was stubborn and wasted my time… so I had a fight with her… then my Mom came and scolded me. And said, I better not catch you chatting or doing your private stuff on the internet instead of doing your work. So I was like “FINE!”
Do you know how freaking pissed I am now? I feel so tired suddenly. Like my world is crashing down so much. All the things happening. Like the break up, then the forgetfulness and scolding. And the stressful schoolwork. I dunno how to decide for my life anymore. Just want to give up on my studies and do something I like… I just dun like this kind of life. Cuz I like life that’s more relax rather than challenging. What is wrong with me seriously. Not being able to do something I like because my Mom doesn’t like me doing music, and wants me to do something more efficient, like Chemical Science, Law. What the hell… Really, I’m being angry at myself for not being able to choose my own life.
Ever since this year Feb, my life has seriously been crashing down. I have been living through fake smiles and laughter like every single day. I just hope I have a better life because this really sux. Why I’m a Leo without courage to face everything. And issit that because I freaking live in Australia now, I have to put up with this crappy place, with no freedom. And to give up on somethings, making sacrifies for the better of other things. My parents always says, I will regret if I don’t do the right thing now. But what is call regret? Do you know? I dunno if anyone can understand me now, but I’m telling you, my life really sux at the moment. I just seemed like nothing is going to get better. And I feel like I’m suffocating in this reality world. Having no freedom, and right. Just because I’m freaking fifteen. Ok. Fine then. I’m fifteen so what? Doesn’t mean I’ll go round and do something that other fifteen year olds might do. I have brains like other people too, it’s just the thing if I use it or not.
I dunno what the hell I’m talkign about here. And I dun know what I’m talking about. This world is unfair. Yet sometimes you just cant seemed to find your own way. That makes things sux so much. Why must I give you up… remembering what you always say to me.. faith faith faith… issit true? Or just all lies… If it’s true, why faith cant be th strongest thing that lies between us. If you are meant to be, why we cannot be together. If God put us together even though we are so far apart, why cannot be meant to be… So many whys in my head that I wanted to ask… man, I’m going crazy. I am seriously going crazy. Can someone answer my question…?