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After h o u r s of sleep, I’m still feeling very tired. I wonder why. Maybe it’s just me and this own exam crap. First time in my life I’m studying so full on. But anyways, I was flicking through a big plastic storage box the other day, and surprisingly, I found some things. About me. About my past. This is one of the p o e m I write when I was in Year 9. Which is 2 years ago. This is actually for an assesstment. But why did I write that? I couldn’t r e m e m b e r my purpose for writing this…

The Nature of Life

Peacefully and gently,
The big round golden ball
Ran across the deep blue sea.
The brown drowsy man,
Swept towards the greenish stick.
Aching to find its golden cresent.
With the light sound blowing in my ears,
Looking up, forgetting my fears.

Time went fast as clouds float past,
Thinking about how long they will last.
Letting tears roll down my cheek
Speaking in languages that sound so Greek.
The peace and quiet made up my mind,
But I bound to leave or be left behind.
I tried and tried to forget this day,
Trying and trying I ran away.

I dunno why, but this definitely sounded very very s a d to me. I wonder what was in my mind then. The teacher said that it’s a good poem. But… at the bottom of the poem, I wrote a little note. Saying that this poem is about the nature of life and thinking how long nature will last. And, hoping that people would make changes in their life towards the nature and not letting it die out like that. The nature filled is full of wonderful things and as descibed in the poem. Yups. That’s what I wrote. Lols. I actually find that it makes s e n s e after reading this for the third time for the last few days.

This is another poem. Based on l o v e. I forgot when I wrote that, and why or who I was writing that to. But here it is…

Forgotten

You’ve broke my heart,
Shattered it into pieces.
Falling deep for you,
I knew I shouldn’t have been.
Don’t turn away,
like you’ve never known me.
Don’t leave me out,
like you’ve never met me.

You never did
Heard my cries at all.
Loving you now?
Between us there’s a wall.

Time told me a story,
That you were not my prince.
It was all illusion,
Illusion that I can’t see.
I saw you looking at me,
My heart was looking at you.
I saw you eyes,
and felt there was no truth.

You never did
Heard my cries at all.
For falling for you
Again and again once and for all.

Part of me told me to stop,
Where I tried so hard to do so.
I feel so hurt
By the feelings I still have.
But what do I see?
Your hands linked with that girl.
And no it’s no lying,
That girl is not me.

Hmmm.. another s a d one. I must be a really negative person last time. What about now? I dunno. I’ve already chosen to get over him already. I dunno if I have. Deep inside, I still have feelings. But I’m struggling whether to wait for him or not. I dunno for him, but I knew he might just think I wasn’t the right one for him. Because of our distance. But I dunno how I should be feeling. Wait till chances pass by and see what happens. I s i n c e r e l y leave everything to let God decide this ending. Just wait and s e e. Time tells E V E R Y T H I N G. Yer, chosen my pathway. What about you? But I really really want to say is that. Now we are not together. Even if you’ve got a new girl. I also don’t m i n d. But somehow I think that l o v e is not easy to f i n d. If one day, you really found the one, g o for it. And you are truly a n i c e guy (cross my heart). Good bf. You deserve more. Don’t be sad and think ahead like you’ve always taught me. Maybe f r i e n d s is still better for us…

Good luck.

L i s t e n ;; J o l i n T s a i - T i a n K o n g
F e e l ;; a b i t d r u n k. s l e e p y.
M i s s ;; t h e t a s t e o f s u m m e r.

I think I’m drunk. xP Not thinking straight.

Had my first TEE paper today. English. I was sooooo f r e a k e d out. Yer. I was really freaked out. I wanted to escape. But I know I can’t. I have to get through it. English and Physics paper is the only ones I’m deeply worried about.

Haha… but anyway. I wrote 10 pages today. 3 essays in 3 hours. I finished 10 minutes before the exams ends. So I read what I wrote. And I find that I wrote crap. Ohh… haha. I’m gonna fail this one. But I was glad section two was similar to my guess of what question is was going to come out. So I practised that. And it came out! I was rejoicing! Haha. I was glad that English paper is over. Well, for now. Semester 1. Semester2… haha. I’m N O T looking forward to that.

So I finished my paper. Said bye to everyone, and walked to the front of school with Leanny and Tricia. Well, my plan for the rest of the day was to go home and study. But no one is at home. And I was complaining that I would feel extremely bored. Then Tricia offered me to go to her house. So I said okay. Her mommy gave me a ride home. That’s very nice of her. I felt so scabby.. haha. Last time, Leanny’s mom gave me a ride home, now Tricia’s. =/ Lols. Then I reached home. Leo was so h a p p y to see me. So I gave him a big hug. Then went into the shower…. took my own sweet time.

Grab all my stuff, calculator, Chemistry book, and some chocolate. Walked to Tricia’s house. While walking there, I saw a huge dog, just across the road. I then suddenly thought about how my mommy got bitten by a dog. Scary. Then I saw the dog cross the road. So I was praying it wont come and bite me. Haha… then he was like 2 metres away from me. But walked the other way. I was like “phew!!” Haha. *cold sweat*.

Reached Tricia’s house, she shown me her room. And guess what?! It’s all B L U E. I’m so jealous!! She own everything b l u e. Clothes, bags, scarfs, books. E V E R Y T H I N G. Haha. She have nice clothes too. I was like sitting there, trying to concentrate. Attention!! key word T R Y I N G. Yup. Haha. Very true huh. I didn’t actually ended got anything into my mind. Except for that law of constant composition thing. All pure samples in a compound contains the same elements in the same properties of mass. Something like that. Oh well. C L O S E enough. Hehe. I was going hyper, cuz I finished the whole packet of m&ms. Hahaha. Yer, Tricia was just sitting there staring at thinking… hmmm, who the hell is this crazy woman? Hehehe. Then we started toking about some stuff. And her bby boi called. Then she asked him to say bye to me. So I’m like “Bye, future jie fu.” Lols. Hehe. But he thought I called him emperor or something. -_-”

I was like listening to Tricia’s song. And crazy searching for some chinese songs. But there is only a few… =[ Kekex. Yer had fun. Then went home… s l e e p. Very tired. Then woke up and eat dinner. Then watch Tv. Mommy made sushi. I was too full to eat them. But I ate a few. Erhs. Yer. Then my mommy was like drinking red wine. Hehe. I drunk 1 small glass. Lols. I secretly added some coke in it. Lols. Cuz it’s b i t t e r ! Shh!!

Yer, you can tell. I’m not awake. I’m d r u n k. Kekekex. I’ll remember today. The day where Irene got d r u n k. And talk all rubbish. Yer, I did not let the cat out of the bag. I did not say any of my dark secrets out. But what secrets do I have? Hehe. I only know some of my friends secrets. Hehe. Oh my friend D O N T ever let me d r i n k alcohol. Or I’ll be crazy with a capital c. *nods head*

Did you know that you can get influenced by things that are written more than things that are said? Well, it’s true. I wrote my practise essay 4 times, and it’s in my brain now. BUT (Don’t you just hate that word?)… I still forgets some. Called Trish and Leanny to help me with it too. I hope that I won’t forgot anything from nerves.. HOPE! Man… 4 essays in 3 hours! -_-” I think my brain will burst.

Well, I was working in the essay ever since I woke up this morning… didn’t eat breakfast… just kept working… and working… and yer, until about 5 ++ pm, then go to and shower. Then come back and continue doing work, until dinner time. Basically, today I only ate dinner… and my brain then going to burst. I was going crazy. Haha… brain bursting… Now I really this feeling. And I realised that I could never ever study the whole day. I would really really go crazy…

But I realised at the same time that, people don’t give a damn about my studies. Cuz no matter how hard I am studying they wouldn’t understand that I can’t concentrate with noise. And they kept complaining that I don’t freaking do any housework just because I have exams. I hate it when people say that I take my studies as an excuse for not doing housework. It really annoying me. Cuz they don’t understand. But seriously, no one in the house is more educated than me except for my cousin. But the point is that my cousin doesn’t order me to do housework and complain that I’m messing up the table.

Yes, I know. It’s annoying. I really know this feeling. Sometimes, I really want to get away. Run away. Wants some freedom. Needs someone to care about me. Not just complain about me… thinking about how to hate me. I really can’t find a reason to hate myself actually. But I know that some people really do hate me. I’m sure there is people bitching behind my back. But maybe it’s best just not to know anything. It’s not nice…. finding my words nasty. And mean. Sometimes. But it’s always too late to realised. I dunno what is happening to me…

Issit because when I am in stress I become mean? Do I become mean? Why is there no one who truly understands me? Wishing that there is someone in this world who would understand me truly. Giving my advises. Sharing my problems.

Just feel like looking at the stars tonight. Stargazing. Something that I haven’t do for a long time. Something that I hate doing alone. I really do. But no one… beside me. Only me and the sky. Sometimes, then there is no stars. I would feel even more lonelier. This world is so.. cruel. Taking everything away from me. Taking everything I want to cherish away from me. I don’t think I deserve all this things anyway… but I really wished I had them. Something I want to cherish… but I can’t.

Stress… yer, feeling the stress now. Exams… so scared!! Arhhh.. don’t wanna fail!

Been studying all day. And I couldn’t sleep last night. I was… half excited…. and half is nervous. For exams. Haha, wondering why I feel excited? Cuz… dunno. Suddenly felt like I’ve grown up. Facing all these things… Hmm… dunno.

I lost my sleep. And…. I still fel energised. Now I’m tired. Cuz I just came back from tution. I asked my tutor about the EPW. He say… why is our teacher giving up all these…

I think I have been really slack, last 2 weeks. So now making up for it. Been daydreaming in class… dunno what’s happen inside me. Just no idea. Didn’t learn anything. My Physics teacher came and talk to me… and asked me personally what happen to my marks! Oh… how bad is this? What is happening to me…

But I’ve been extra hardworking yesterday and today. Asking things that I dunno. Doing this last minute. Feeling very bad. Made wrong choice. Shouldn’t keep myself so upset… issit wrong to be sensitive? or emotional? This affects me so much… and I hate it.

Next week, I dun care. I’m going out. And relax. After exams, I’m going to be like a pig. Haha. Not exactly. But Im going to have fun… not studying full on all the time. It’s getting me sick. My eyes want to close in class, but I can’t freaking sleep at night. Just now, I almost fall aslp in tution…

hmm… wish me luck everyone… please help me pass!!

Short blog today… Knew that I’m gonna do that. -_-” I told myself a zillion times, no net tonight. No net tonight. But I still came. Exams coming… but I havent study yet. Well. I need some… i dunno what they call it. But.. oh, energy! Yer, energy. I’m not in the exam mood apparently. And I need to be It’s next week!

Anyway, did ntohing much today. Tomorrow have EPW. But I’m gonna fail for it. I’m very sure. Becuas eI failed the last one. And the I failed my Chemistry too. My Physics is now… horrible. Cuz I dun understand anything. Good thing it’s on Friday. I have more time to revise on that. The teach postpone our essay on context. So I feel better and more relieved. Tomorrow have to go for dentist I have no free period. How? Cancel? Maybe. Thinking of writing letter today. But then, didn’t. Cuz too busy.

I came home, surprisely, felt like doing my homework outside. So I was outside doing my English comprehension questions. And it was crap. Totally. But.. I was not feeling too well today. I had a weird feeling last night. I just felt like crying… for nothing. Dunno. That was weird. Haha. But I’m feeling very sleepy. Don’t Mind you, I have been either studying, watching Tv, or on the net. So my brain is like bursting.

Good thing, today there’s a gain. Hehe. Yer, he send me the song I wanted.[Delta Goodrem - Out of the Blue]. Long time song. But I couldn’t find it. But now’ve got a new song, that I wanted but can’t get. [J Wess - Bang This]. This song is for one of our class dance. And I want it to practise the steps at home. Oh, too bad. I need to see if anyone has it or can find it for me!!

It was so funny today. We were all in English class. Doing work. And it was very very quiet. Suddenly, I heard a noise. Then I thought it was my stomach rumbling. Then everyone started looking behind… lols. Then Chelsea said “Sorry…. I’m hungry….” Then everyone started laughing. I laughed too. It was really funny how Chelsea said it. I can still laugh when I think of this…

Yuppy, that’s all for today. I need information on Caboret too. I’m not sure if this is how you spell it, but yer. Doing a dance based on that. Oh, this is going to be a hard year!! Wish me luck for exams.

AND someone!! TAG!! please. I feel like a loner talking to myself…. -_-”