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What is wrong with me? I dun feel well… Partly, it was because there’s too much stress from my homework. Another thing… really don’t feel like talking about it. Having lesser and lesser time to talk to him now. In fact, I think we havent really talked properly for a long time. I dunno what I am doing now. Is that whining and complaining that he doesn’t have time to talk to me… or just plainly attempting to explain myself from my situations. But whatever it is, in this situations, I just dunno how I should feel…
These days has been extremely warm and it’s really annoying me. My ankle is in a terrible state too. I have no idea what happened to it… it wasn’t swollen or anything. But when I walk, it just hurts a bit. Things are just getting really bad. And whenever someone asked me about how my day went, I have to think about it before I answer them. But I would say fine or good anyway. But I really wanted to say that it is crap. Been really tired too. I guess he is tired too. Sometimes, I just somehow manage to feel how tired he is. Whenever that happens, I would tell him to be strong and brave in my heart. Although my messages would never really reach him, but I guess it is the only way that I can support him. Also, seems like I’m not the only one feeling tired and sick of studying, but many ppl is too. But still, there must be a reason for doing something. Just like what I am doing now. Studying is my first priorty because behind my studies, there’s goals and dreams and things to be fulfilled.
I’m still working hard towards my dream. I have really been slacking off lately too. Maybe I just felt too tired. I have stopped my urge to get all my homework done. And everything to me, esp homework, just felt like black and white. So many things due. So many things to do before deadline.
Things that I wouldn’t like to say anymore… like me doing the same thing again. Everytime when I misses him in my heart. When I’m in the public, I just couldn’t do that anymore. I knew it wouldn’t look good. But I’m crying in my heart. Really really miss him. I cannot describe this feeling of how much I misses him. When I’m alone, of cuz, I tend to keep to myself more. I would show more emotions when I’m alone too. I would think more than I usually do. Cuz there is nothign to distract me. These days have been happening again. The days where I have lived in dark times. Just everyday is so hopeless. Dun feel like doing anything. No one understands my feelings. Cuz they are not me. Dreamt of him everynight. That is mostly the time I can see him. And the only time I feel the happiest. But dreams are dreams. Dreams are things that are not realistic. But what esle can I do now… it won’t change anything. No matter when I’m sad or not. Maybe I’m just the only who felt sad and nothing will change for me. I dont want to make this world turned upside down. Even though mine is already turned upside down. By all the memories and thoughts in my head. Keeping me thinking and going. Just preventing me from collapsing. Just hope the day I fall, he is still there to catch me.
Is that all I’m asking for… Dunno anymore. Sad huh.