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I dunno what made my day again… *wondering* when will this ever be over… so painful inside. Everyday is juz a normal day. For now. No more times when I could be excited over seeing him… at least not for now. It’s so difficult to imagine the days without him for the next… 1… 2… 3… 4… years. Everything is juz not the same for me anymore. These nights, I dreamt of him even more. I wondered why. And I wake up in the middle of nights. Sometimes, I find myself thinking of him out of the sudden.
Today, i juz felt absolutely so lazy and tired to go anywhere. I stayed home, and be in my own whole of lala land. Yup. People who know me well would probably understand what I meant. Being at home is not the nicest thing to do if you are a teenager. Of course, for me is the same thing. But I relieased that being at home once in a while is so… peaceful and serene. Just like somewhere when you wanted some peace and quiet or simply just somewhere when you can sit down and think and free yourself from this world. That is the only place who call home. It’s the only place, where we are allowed to be lazy. On another hand, some not so good things cna happen while you are at home. Like being forced into doing some housechores, such as bathing your naughty dog, or hanging up clothes out in the backyard. Besides that, homework is something that you are expected to completed during the day unless you don’t want to use the computer or internet for that day at all.
When it comes to going out for a walk, it bores people. Sometimes, it helps people. For instance, it helped me. Not as in inspiration for a song title or lyrics this time, but for lots and lots of thinking. Lots of thinkings for me to do during my walk. It helps me go through things a lot more faster and look things in a wider and clearer view. I knew, as I saw the sunsetting. The colours in the sky, containing pink, yellow, purple and blue at the same time. That feeling just soothes me more. And I have learnt a new word today; sinister - meaning mysterious. That is the word I wanted to use to describe the sunsetting view I saw today. As well as my thoughts and my life. I saw through things a lot more than I did the last time. But one thing inside me never changed. That is - I still miss him alot.