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it is time for confessions. hmm.. why confessions? because… i juz wan to… confess.
hmm… firstly. well, i made my mom angry again. the very last time i did was before i went to singapore. that was the time when i made her angry. actually, the other time was when she found out about me and fredric. she said she was angry. but she didnt sounded angry. and this time… it was the same problem. i dunno… i will apologise to her when she has cooled down more. well, i made her angry because of me telling her something that she didnt liked. hmm, ok i will skip the content.
ok… more confessions. school sux. hehe. yer. it is true. i do admit that if i do a little more things and work a little more harder, maybe i’ll get it. but no… emm.. i just couldnt do it. and i do admit that i miss fredric a lot. and all the time. and that’s why school, for me, seemed to be something that keeps me away from him. i can say, hmm.. confess that, i sux at studying too. i can simply just slack off anytime, any hour of the day if i wanted to. and… school is really something i didnt like at all. and going through that at my 11th year now… i felt really sick and tired of it. so… school sux. hmm, i mean when doesnt it, right?
more confessions. i think i know how to take care of myself properly, but nar… nar… i know i dont. and i am trying to. my part time job is simply daydreaming and tripping over. so… i guess this is who i am.
right now, i think my life is in a big mess. hmm… i wasnt before. and now… i am lost. lost without you. remember that song? yer. i am lost without you. i have always thought that maybe i could find a way myself to draw us closer. but, i know i cant do anything. and it is just a waste of time when i try to do that. which makes me ends us even more miserable. i do feel miserable. i just wished that you are by my side… today, i saw jenny and kevin. and heard that they hasnt seen each other for 3 weeks. and i felt sorry for myself. suddenly, i dunno what i was thinking. i dunno what i was expecting of. i just wished that you were right in front of me. and i just wished that you were right there. but i know, that God is always playing a trick on us. the more we want to be together, the more he wont let us. i really dunno what to do. so does he. he cant do anything too…
i guess i really feel scared. scared of the future. i dun feel that i have anything in sight for me. just like, dunno what is going to come up… just dunno what to do. like the future for me is so mysterious. i dunno what makes me feel that way… but i juz felt like i dunno why i am here and why i am not doing something i feel like doing. for example, school. fair enough, you all might think. yer. just fair enough.
i miss fredric alot. i really tried very hard and very hard. but there is always something that i would think about. about the time…. about so much time that would have to pass for us to see each other again. and many things are unpredictable. who knows what would happen. i knew i wasnt concentrating all day today. and i was asked the same question ‘are you alright, irene?’ yer, the same statement over and over again. and all i answered was ‘yup.’ what esle could i say? i mean…. the weather’s hot. the day is boring. school sux. i am sad. i am lonely. i am so damn dead by the time each and everyday is passing by. and it is. slowly. yes. slowly. time is going so slow for me each and every day. like it is really going to let me get put down. i couldnt slp every night. and basically woke up eariler. and i dun feel tired.
i dreamed of him last night again. i felt his arms tight around me. he was talking to me. and we were enjoying each other’s company so much. but after all it is a dream, right? and when is this dream going to come true? i hope soon. and sooner than i expect… i really miss fredric.