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last night, i had a talk with my mom before we went to slp. she gave me lots of advices. and told me her story between her and my dad. and she told me, “the relationship which goes through the most hardship will be the purest and the truest.” she really gave me good advice. and i told her how hard it was for me to go through all this. i guess i really hear her out alot. she told me not to give up, but to loosen myself a little. like.. to give each other the amount of space needed. and give the love a little space. “zhen ai shi jing de qi kao yan de.” thats wad she said to me… means, true love will never goes away even with all the obstacles around. and if u hold on stronger, one day… u will find that it is worth everything.
i have always thought that there is nothing i can do with it… i know.. there is nothing i can do with it. and i know that it hurts my parents to see me this way…
but my mom promised me that she would let me go back and visit at the end of this year if i study hard this year. school work is another problem… well, i am expected to get the same or better results than last year…. i really hope i can make it… really hope. for us, we pray hard and hope that there is a miracle that would happen for us. we would find our happy endings.
for now… i still hasnt recover from the painful experience yet. and fredric is thinking about writing a story. our love story. i hope through this story, ppl will learn to cherish their loved ones more. but even though we are wad we are this way now… we nv give up. we still pursuit the love we are looking for, and hopefully one day… we will be granted the love from god. as fredric told me, there is a reason why god put us together even though we are so far apart. and i know the reason. god wan us to learn how to love.
i have no regrets knowing you… loving you… even though we are so far apart now. we are working on it. so i hope that everyone gives us ur support.
btw… school… awww… i still dun like it. maybe it takes a while for me to get use to it. i juz dun like it at all.. i mean… ok. chemistry. it is a really difficult subject. physics. it would be getting harder! intro calc is okay. but the teacher has attutide problem which i am trying to live through… TEE english. all the reading. and the stuff. i think i will be dead studying and doing half of the essays already. dance and drama. i dunno most of the ppl in my class. and i doubt i will have any friends.. becuz i seemed to be the onli asian in there. no. i am the the only asian. =/ so…. i guess school really sux huh… well. today i saw the course outline for the entire year for TEE english… there is 10 weeks for each term. and there is 2 terms for each semester. and there is 2 semester for each year. waahaha… then suddenly it seemed like a year is going to pass so soon. i should work hard. for myself. for fredric. for my parents. for my future. and finally. woohoo! for singapore! ehehe….
erhs. wad am i doing. kekes. well. i havent memorised a lot of the chemistry work… i mean.. the 4 tables. all the elements stuff. and the… well, the colour of each compound. @_@ and… and… well, we are reading a novel in english. i felt so dead now. haha! and… the worst thing is on mondays.. we are having early morning lessons. which starts at 8am. -_- other than that…we would probably have period 0s for chem, physics or drama. erhs. means i have to go to school like early in the morning. xP fredric fredric…. my pillow. let me lent pls.. lol. i need a break. lols.
okay.. this is so called mood swings. i still miss him. it doesnt miss i dun. i miss fredric a lot. i miss him too much. miss him badly. but. i juz dun wan to cry anymore. and if i felt so negative for all my life, i would be stuffed. and maybe fail. erms.. i got 6 subjects this year, so… i have get at least C for all of them to pass my TEE for this year…. hope i do.. okay i will pass.. it is not like i am not a good student who doesnt hand in my work in time u know…
crap… now the australian accent dun sound weird to me anymore. after i came bk from sg.. i find that andy speaks funny. hahaha.. becuz i am too use to hearing fredric speaking to me.. in chinese. then suddenly. andy speaks. erhs. australian accent. whoops. hehe. then i juz rem i am in… australia! i have been missing fredric alot. and i started dreaming about him alot now. i mean… i nv used to have dreams about any guys that i liked b4… even if i missed someone a lot, i wouldnt actually dream about them too much. but it was different. i have dreams about him alot now. and i see every now and then. in my mind. in my heart. i miss you, fredric.
i love you.