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i seriously have no idea why i cried last night… it was weird. Well, there wasn’t exactly a reason.
here’s the story…
i woke up in the morning… feeling tired. and still with lots of mosquitoes bites. it was really tiring… but i was still growing with th glimpse of happiness from the sunset the other night. Fredric sms me and told me to wait for him at 1.30pm in jurong east. ok.. went there. then found out he went to the doctor. everyone waited for him for 1 hour ++ but i was okay. i mean the waiting.
you know, didnt felt very well. dunno why. i guess juz tired. and i didnt eat. and lots of problems came up and i sometimes thinks of hw to handle them. but it was alright.
okay, we went to marina bay arcade and fredric and them played cs. so i watched.. then my cousin called. she told me a lot of things. i nearly cried on the spot. wow. it was really devastating. i coudnt handle it. but i managed, trying to keep on smiling. bt i was more difficult to esp the tired mood. and everyone esle looked tired and hungry. really feel like dunno wad i should do… but i thought, juz relax and keep cool and live through it i guess…
we went to eat steamboat. in 2 separate tables. sad huh.. it wasn’t becuz i wasnt allowed to. but i was helpless. 2 sides that i have to try and go to. but i can tell u it was difficult. i felt really sad. i guess that was why i didnt eat much.
really couldnt stand it anymore. i guess i have to take a break. so i ask fredric to come for a walk. he found out that i didnt eat much. i didnt mean to lie to him about not eating… it’s juz i really dun wan to make him felt worried for me. i dunno wad i should say… to me, both sides sounded so… angry? ok.. maye i shouldn’t be so blur and listen properly next time. and so i wont miss out anthing important.
went bowling afterwards… no one really knew how bad i felt. i tried to have fun. the last hour to be with fredric, then it would be another week before i see him again. really felt sad… when he lent on me, i’ve got a huge feeling. i can tell u, that feeling dint feel good one bit. itz not becuz of the lent, itz juz.. i dunno.. the feeling of leaving. like leaving home to another place where u dun really wan to be at.
say my goodbye to fredric. felt bad. but i couldnt help it.if i have a choice i would stay there. but i knew i couldnt. okay… i didnt say much afterwards. esp in stan’s car… i was really really upset. i really dunno wad i am going to do the day im really really leaving…
so.. went home. really stunned. no feeling already. everything is kept inside me. deep inside. then my cd that i wanted to give catherine was gone.obviously, someone took it. or i should say borrowed it without permission. normally, i can tell u. i will feel like bursting… i would feel angry. but i cried instead. i really dunu understand why. maybe becuz it gave me an excuse to cry out my upset feeling. once more, it didnt feel good one bit.
okay. so thats the story…
currently, im in malaysia… which is why i couldnt see fredric for 1 week. im using my god bro’s gf’s computer. i am really really lost. no. i dunno wad im doing. telling this story. but when i was on the car… i listened to jay de qi li xiang. if u ask me why, i dunno. all i remember in my mind was the words he said. and how this song means to us. okay, i was going to cry again. but i control myself. didnt knew i would felt so sad.. and i think i should stop here, before i start thinking about it and cry again.
i love you… i miss you…