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wth?! Butterflies in my stomach! Arhh… what’s wrong with me… Err. There’s about 6 hours before I board the plane. Kekes. I’ve packed and everything. But not ready. I mean… it’s fast! Lols. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll see you. I am happy. But sorta scared. Lols. I guess you’ll fell the same way as me.
But alright. I will keep on smiling to the mirror. Arhh.. my room. My family. My house! 3 weeks away from it. Feeling like… leaving home for a long long time. Lols.
I have some preparations though… Lol. Well, I brought a book along in case I’m bored. And a notebook to scribble on. And. Erm… dunno lol. I forgot. But my suitcase is huge. And heavy. Half of it are presents for my relatives.
What’s wrong with me…
And… I’m looking forward to seeing Hong korkor and LeeYan jiejie. Lol, in Malaysia. But. I’ll be on my own. ON MY OWN. Hello?! Am I dreaming. Ok. I guess I have to accept the fact that I’m old enough to take care of myself properly huh… =D I’ll try…………
So… today is 97th day. Erms. How do I feel? I dunno. 3 months. 3 months of … friendship? Erms… I really can’t believe it. I felt so unreal. Maybe I’m dreaming again. Am I daydreaming? I couldn’t sleep last night. And I woke up early today. Which was… sorta rare to me. Right now. I can’t think. My mind is blank. But I can tell you, just within one day many things happened in my house. Quarrels, fights. Ok, not exactly “fights” But verbally. And crying? Kekes. I really dunno what to say. One mintue it’s okay. One mintue it’s not. What can I say?
But… I wrote a song about it. When I wrote it, I was feeling… the anger? So the song is different from how it is when I wrote a song when I’m normal. But it’s scary. And it’s over. So everyone’s happy and smiling. No more quarrels. No more fights. No more crying. That’s good.
Suddenly, I remember S.H.E’s song “wo ai ni”. One of the lyrics said. “Wang wang liang ge ren hen qing mi, shi tou kuo shang hai lai zheng ming.” tranlaste to english “The closeness of two person is proven by hurt.” I dunno what it means at first. But I do really sorta understand now. Amazing huh? Well. I’m getting prepared. Pretty soon, I’m heading to break the waiting and waiting and waiting. I know you’ll be waiting for me. We have been waited for this moment. Lols. It sounds so… long huh? But it isn’t. For now.
Erms. I found lot sof stuff yesterday, when I was packing. Lols. Well, it really comes in handly when you really needed it. Lols. Nice timing. These days, I always have nice timing. Always. No matter is good things or bad things it turned out to be. But it will be nice timing. Example? erm… when I needed something, and I found something that is useful to it. And I’ve kept that something a while ago in case I needed to use it. Nice timing. Lol.
What can I say. I felt that my mood is calming down. But I still feel bad for leaving my sisters behind. Sobs. Wished Ic ould take them along. Even thought they are pretty naughty. I heard the sound of an airplane! Wow. I’m going to be on one later. Lols. Why does it sound like I’ve never been on a plane b4? Lol. I have. But this time, it seemed to be different from the last time. The last time when I cried at the airport. It’s so frustruting. You can tell from the pictures we took that day. I was sobing in a corner. Not really sobing. But sorta like have a sad face. But how I felt? My feeling was… erms can’t describe. Ok, just imagine you have been leaving in your country for 12 whole years. And then you are now boarding a plane to go to a totally different country. A different country, with different cultures… different language. Wow. Takes a big courage. And for me, as a 12 year old girl, who has parents that can’t speak fluent English, it makes it difficult. Because I helped out everything. Call and asked for a telephone line? Speak to a real estate agent about buying a house. Lol. Well, I did almost a lot of things. Jobs that an adult would do. How would I feel? How would you feel if you were me? I dunno about you. But me? It’s just liked something I have to get used it. Even now. I’m still doing what I have to do. Even though, I don’t want to do it sometimes. And school. Ok, imagine you’ve studied in a school of … ppl with the same race as you. And then, your new school is full of ppl that is different race from you. [ok, not being racism here.] But it really freaked me out. Becuz, I faced problems like trying to understand the way of communication from them. And I did learn something. And I have to face discrimination. Like other ppl, looking at me in a different way.
Ok, it’s past already. Now. It’s better. It much better. Cuz I’ve learnt a lot of things. Like learning to read a map? Properly. And dealing with communication whether in a new envirnoment or on a phone. But still, it makes me stunted, when it comes to someone I know, but someone I dunno. Erm. I dun think some of you would get it. Onli the person knows… But to say the truth. After this two and half years of living in an Australian lifestyle… I dunno if I can handle the speech in Singapore anymore. I hope I can still understand. Ok, I will. But it would feel horribly weird to me… after all the Aussie slang. And the English accent.
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Ok, it’s long. And you’ll probably take forever to read this. So I’ll stop here. This is just an imaginery experience for all of you who are reading my blog.
listening` - Coco Lee- Baby, I’m sorry.
feeling` - weird.
missing` - the person im missing all the time.
wanna` - time to go faster for the next 6 hours.
learnt` - not to be so stubborn.