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Beginning to feel the l o n e l i n e s s again.
Dunno what I’m doing nowadays. Homework… assignments… Tv… duedates… deadlines… housework… duties… responsiblilties… So many things in mind. Running out of correction white out. But lazy to go and buy one. Lols. Then I use the old one. Wrong choice. Got a whole heap of them all over my page. Surely gonna get less than 3 marks for this piece of homework. The other day, when I went to Yuri’s house to practise dance… we were waiting for her friend to arrive. She was playing piano. Then I was like “whao…” Lols. She offered to teach me. So I accepted. Well, not like teaching as in the whole thing, but simple things like reading notes and learning the keys and which finger to put. And guess what?! It’s difficult. I only played like 2 lines, then her friend arrived. She shown her friend to put her stuff, so I was left alone with the piano. Then I started to read the notes, I figured out myself which notes goes with which, and how to play with both hands. I figured out which notes to play with both hands. But guess what? I can’t play with both hands. Lols. It takes practise.
My sister is learning how to play a keyboard for the moment, so when our family buy a new keyboard, I can practise on it *hehe*. Yesterday, I was really bored again. So I painted my nails again. Lols. And I started drawing pictures on it. And it looked really “professional” according to my sisters. So I did their nails too. Haha. Other than that… at night. I slp late. Waiting for everyone esle to go to slp… then I went back to my bedroom. Alone in my room. So quiet esp at night. Last night was esp nice. Cuz the weather isn’t too cold or warm. I was enjoying it. So I started writing a diary entry. And for some reason, I was writing about what’s on my mind and my feelings and some other things… obviously, I knew something was on my mind. After finishing writing in it, I sat there. Staring at the blank space. Have a kinda funny feeling of being watched. But on another hand, I just feel like I was having some privacy. Then I looked around my room… looking at the things that made up my room, that made up me. I mean.. everything that is in my room shows something about me. There’s always a reason why I put somehting in a particular place. Like Bubbles… being on my bed. Something important to me, that’s why I want to keep it close to me all the time. And a photograph of me and my 2 sisters in front of the duck pond near our house. We were looking so happy. Symbolism of our kinship. Why no pictures of me and him in my room? Well, simple reason is of my parents. I know that they want me to be “normal”. Like a normal daughter… live my normal life. So all the time, I try to show them to side where I’m happy and positive. But deep inside, I’m still upset. So I didn’t put out the picture. So it wouldn’t seemed that I am NOT concentrating on my studies. They hate to have other things distracting me.
Well, I saw something esle. The smiley face wristband. Looking at it… for a long time. Then thinking of that day when I put the same smiley face wristband on his wrist. And looking at the smile in his face, makes me happy. But slowly, everything just faded away. Back to reality… don’t need to guess I think you also know what I did next. Can’t control again. Slp throgh the night like that…
Missing him so much… Hope end of this year, I can go and visit again… really hope. Have to study hard. No Harder. =D